So much to say....never enough time to say it...

So.... again here I am. After not writing in a while... I'm trying to get back into it. Story.of.my.life! haha
It was my sister Ashleigh's wedding last saturday.... and what a joyous occasion! I wanted to write about it right after but I've kinda been a bit sleep deprived.... and finally on Thursday I've gotten to it. I like to ramble.... and compare on things and make special notes probably nobody else would ever think about. Totally me... because I find things fascinating.... and I guess I kinda did that after the weekend. Just pondering things.... being my normal random self. So here goes my musings.....
 Its great because as much as me and Ash seem to follow each other around through life... I looked at her wedding pics and then looked back at my own and realized (though not suprisingly) our weddings were very different. Both were simple and elegant.... but in different ways. And when looking at the two.... I realized that we both either had things the same or a bit different from when we dreamed about our 'big' days when we were young girls. I always wanted a spring wedding.... and ended up having it in late spring. She's always dreamed of a fall wedding with all the pretty colours.... and got it just at the end when the leaves have almost come off the trees. How very cool and interesting!
After such a time of weirdness over these past months.... I found myself getting eager for their wedding. I feel so strange though.... I wish I could be more excitable! Maybe not all the time.... but in the moments where it counts the most. As much as I was looking forward to their wedding.... I had a hard time showing my emotions and feelings .... as most girls would. I started feeling guilty...because i didn't want to seem like debbie downer....but then i remembered my own wedding and even other special events in my own life. On my wedding day, though, I  didn't show as much excitement as I always thought I would. It didn't mean I wasn't feeling it or thinking about it.... because I was ecstatic inside! I'm just like that though.... whenever it counts..... I never seem to let myself throw caution to the wind and scream at the top of my lungs that THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!!!!!  haha    If only I could. I just need to stop caring so much about what people might think and just be who God created me to be!
Now that I've gone on another bunny trail.... I will move on to back to musings on the wedding! So after all the prep hub bub, ceremony, pics, and dinner..... it was finally time for speeches and dessert. Well.... I totally hadn't prepared a speech.... but i got up there and said what came off the top of my mind . Afterwards though....when others had gone.... i thought of more and more stuff i really had wanted to say.... and it bugged me because i just wanted to go up there and spill my heart for longer than the 5 minutes alotted time.
So here's my speech.... this is whats on my heart. This is the version that i didn't have time to say, couldn't say to random people, or forgot to say. And i figured this is the best place to post it anyways since Ash is the only one who reads my blogs. haha

My Speech for Ash & Jake (the long version)

blah...blah...blah (stuff i said at the reception. can't remember it... so its just gonna be blah! thats all good though)

Its funny to think....when me and Ash were little girls (and then grown into our teens) we often would dream, talk, and imagine what our future husbands would be like. Ash of course was more boy crazy than I ...so she would make long lists and me....well... I seemed to be stuck on one particular guy that i had liked FOREVER!!! But here we are...married to men that we never even imagined in our wildest dreams! Mine ended up not being the one guy that I had imagined and yet he is the one I needed and far exceeds what i settled on in my mind! And Ash....she met a guy who is finally someone she could imagine....since her long lists seemed to be more out of indecisiveness due to maybe the fact that the man she dreamed about was always faceless. Two opposite dreams. Yet both fulfilled in the opposite ways dreamed and somewhat similar in their crossings. How Great God is to have all these things written for us in our Love Stories! And its just the beginning.....
When Ash had her accident....my world felt shattered! The night of the accident .... I kept thinking of the what ifs and asking God all these questions! Because she was so close to dying....my mind was racing to thinking of the future. Would I never get to see her again? Would she still be the same wonderful big sister I truly cherished? What if she never got to see me get married or have nieces and nephews? What if I never got to stand up for HER big day? Or see my own nieces & nephews from her? When so often we had talked and dreamed about how cool it would be to have little girls the same age who would be best friends like us!
All these thing I finally realized I needed to give to God. And in that moment I did the hardest thing that anyone could do.... I gave her into God's hands and said whatever the outcome.... I would still glorify Him for its His plans for her!
I look now today.... and think how AMAZING God is! That night I didn't think I would get to see this day! And it happened. Praise God!!!
And I see you two...and how happy you are.... and how far it took to get here... it really is cool! Because I a lot of nights talking with Ash when she was sure she liked Jake and others when she wasn't sure if he liked her. Finally... i told her that she had to quit dwelling on this! If you like him....just like him! And stop doubting yourself! He is perfect for you.... and if it is meant to be then God will orchestrate it!
And He did! And will continue doing so in many more aspects of your married lives together!
Congrats guys! I love you both and wish you many more exciting married moments to come!
Remember Ash.... My Wish....by Rascal Flatts! :)

Also....haha I wanted to sing the song "Sisters" off of White Christmas.... but I know you'll feel it in your heart! :P
Much Love!