So much to say....never enough time to say it...

So.... again here I am. After not writing in a while... I'm trying to get back into it. Story.of.my.life! haha
It was my sister Ashleigh's wedding last saturday.... and what a joyous occasion! I wanted to write about it right after but I've kinda been a bit sleep deprived.... and finally on Thursday I've gotten to it. I like to ramble.... and compare on things and make special notes probably nobody else would ever think about. Totally me... because I find things fascinating.... and I guess I kinda did that after the weekend. Just pondering things.... being my normal random self. So here goes my musings.....
 Its great because as much as me and Ash seem to follow each other around through life... I looked at her wedding pics and then looked back at my own and realized (though not suprisingly) our weddings were very different. Both were simple and elegant.... but in different ways. And when looking at the two.... I realized that we both either had things the same or a bit different from when we dreamed about our 'big' days when we were young girls. I always wanted a spring wedding.... and ended up having it in late spring. She's always dreamed of a fall wedding with all the pretty colours.... and got it just at the end when the leaves have almost come off the trees. How very cool and interesting!
After such a time of weirdness over these past months.... I found myself getting eager for their wedding. I feel so strange though.... I wish I could be more excitable! Maybe not all the time.... but in the moments where it counts the most. As much as I was looking forward to their wedding.... I had a hard time showing my emotions and feelings .... as most girls would. I started feeling guilty...because i didn't want to seem like debbie downer....but then i remembered my own wedding and even other special events in my own life. On my wedding day, though, I  didn't show as much excitement as I always thought I would. It didn't mean I wasn't feeling it or thinking about it.... because I was ecstatic inside! I'm just like that though.... whenever it counts..... I never seem to let myself throw caution to the wind and scream at the top of my lungs that THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!!!!!  haha    If only I could. I just need to stop caring so much about what people might think and just be who God created me to be!
Now that I've gone on another bunny trail.... I will move on to back to musings on the wedding! So after all the prep hub bub, ceremony, pics, and dinner..... it was finally time for speeches and dessert. Well.... I totally hadn't prepared a speech.... but i got up there and said what came off the top of my mind . Afterwards though....when others had gone.... i thought of more and more stuff i really had wanted to say.... and it bugged me because i just wanted to go up there and spill my heart for longer than the 5 minutes alotted time.
So here's my speech.... this is whats on my heart. This is the version that i didn't have time to say, couldn't say to random people, or forgot to say. And i figured this is the best place to post it anyways since Ash is the only one who reads my blogs. haha

My Speech for Ash & Jake (the long version)

blah...blah...blah (stuff i said at the reception. can't remember it... so its just gonna be blah! thats all good though)

Its funny to think....when me and Ash were little girls (and then grown into our teens) we often would dream, talk, and imagine what our future husbands would be like. Ash of course was more boy crazy than I ...so she would make long lists and me....well... I seemed to be stuck on one particular guy that i had liked FOREVER!!! But here we are...married to men that we never even imagined in our wildest dreams! Mine ended up not being the one guy that I had imagined and yet he is the one I needed and far exceeds what i settled on in my mind! And Ash....she met a guy who is finally someone she could imagine....since her long lists seemed to be more out of indecisiveness due to maybe the fact that the man she dreamed about was always faceless. Two opposite dreams. Yet both fulfilled in the opposite ways dreamed and somewhat similar in their crossings. How Great God is to have all these things written for us in our Love Stories! And its just the beginning.....
When Ash had her accident....my world felt shattered! The night of the accident .... I kept thinking of the what ifs and asking God all these questions! Because she was so close to dying....my mind was racing to thinking of the future. Would I never get to see her again? Would she still be the same wonderful big sister I truly cherished? What if she never got to see me get married or have nieces and nephews? What if I never got to stand up for HER big day? Or see my own nieces & nephews from her? When so often we had talked and dreamed about how cool it would be to have little girls the same age who would be best friends like us!
All these thing I finally realized I needed to give to God. And in that moment I did the hardest thing that anyone could do.... I gave her into God's hands and said whatever the outcome.... I would still glorify Him for its His plans for her!
I look now today.... and think how AMAZING God is! That night I didn't think I would get to see this day! And it happened. Praise God!!!
And I see you two...and how happy you are.... and how far it took to get here... it really is cool! Because I a lot of nights talking with Ash when she was sure she liked Jake and others when she wasn't sure if he liked her. Finally... i told her that she had to quit dwelling on this! If you like him....just like him! And stop doubting yourself! He is perfect for you.... and if it is meant to be then God will orchestrate it!
And He did! And will continue doing so in many more aspects of your married lives together!
Congrats guys! I love you both and wish you many more exciting married moments to come!
Remember Ash.... My Wish....by Rascal Flatts! :)

Also....haha I wanted to sing the song "Sisters" off of White Christmas.... but I know you'll feel it in your heart! :P
Much Love!

....Going Down Memory Lane....

Elementary School. Ahhhh..... the good ole' days! Not a care in the world. When the biggest problem was whether or not you were popular and trying not to fall into peer pressure! Not that I would like to go back to that time and do everything over....but there are some days when you just can't help it!
Well today was one of those days. Since I've moved and now have a new last name and ring on my finger to prove it...I've slowly been grabbing the million boxes I had stashed away in my parents attic. And when I say slowly.... I.Mean.Slo....w....ly! haha And even after I grab them.....they still sit in my livingroom....waiting to be opened (ANd in the same place as those thankyou cards i still have not finished writing! :S arrrrrrghh!) So....today I'm sitting here watching Celtic Woman and waiting for Nate to wake up so we can get some much needed groceries and then I decide to go looking for some books that I seem to be missing. Well en route.... I find the box with all my old school notepads and I think to myself, with a smirk, "Well this should be interesting!" And off i go..... opening old file folders filled with journals, stories, assignments (most that weren't finished! :S), tests and information from classes. I started reading stories that I wrote while I was in kindergarten and beyond.... and I must say.... they were quite comical! But then I arrived to one I had started when I was nine.... and as I was reading I thought, " Hokie smokes! I was nine when I wrote this?" Mind you....it was corny....put the plot, idea and wording felt like I was way beyond my nine years. Or at least it sounded like I should have been a 13/14 who had just been reading to many Mandie books! haha! Anyways.....I then read the ones I wrote in gr. 7+8 and I actually felt tears well up. I mean....not like my stories were anything well versed....but I just got this feeling that I wished I could go back and be able to write like that again. When I was that age.... I had sooooo many stories and so much imagination going through my mind that I felt like it would explode. Now a days..... if someone could see my brain it would like one of those lame little fireworks going off in my mind with the lack of imagination. Oh to be that age again. Or at least be able to sit down and have seemingly endless plot lines just bounce into my brain!

And then my journals. The ones I had to write for school....Man! There were some that brought a chuckle to my mouths, some that made me remember moments in time, and others that brought tears to my mind. But in most of them.... I found a commonality. Most I wrote about Ashleigh. Man.... i really looked up to her... and was super close with her back then. Like, I literally had about 10 journals that I wrote in gr. 8 that mentioned her and 4 that were basically about her. And these were just ones that I wrote and were marked on for school.
It sure is craziness!!!! But after all this musing I kinda feel like writing a story. I've always wanted to start one and actually finish it but never have! Crazy!!! I'm such a procrastinator....
ANnnnnd speaking of that.....I better get going and stop my ultimate procrastination! Blech!

For now....This is Mel .....signing off!

Back into the groove of things...

Well hello..... no time, no talk. Life is....well uncharicteristacally hectic in every single way yet I suppose that is the norm. Well for starters....I just got married almost two months ago....and my husband is absolutely wonderful. Marriage is so wonderful....yet I can see how much hard work it is! Just when you think things are going smoothly.....WAHBAM!!!! It gets crazy....as two people who've come from completely two different families and ways of life are trying to get used to living together and being one with each other.

So....since life is super amazing and crazy busy....I figured it might be good to continue just writing my feelings. I haven't touched my diary since two years ago..... and as much as that is something that I would like to get into again....I think this is a bit easier for now. Typing..... that is.....I can be long winded so that means writing can only be so much longer! haha That must mean I am still a Winder at heart even though I am now a Wright.....when i can't write....lol. Yup...that was way to corny.


But all corniness aside.... I am really wanting to get back into this..... so hopefully my excitement for it continues to bubble over into the days that follow.

But for now.... I will leave it at that! Goodnite blogging world!!! I probably won't have many reads but who cares really!!! :)

Do you ever get those times when you say you'll commit to something but then the someone asks you to something of equal importance on the same day? I'm sure everybody has .....but with me i seem to get them alot..... well of late anyway. Maybe because i'm newly in a relationship and its all new to me. Anyways, something like that happened to me today..... and i felt so torn saying no to one and yes to the other when both were equally important to me. So, what I did was make the obvious choice in helping out my friend when she was somewhat stuck in a predicament. By doing that though, I had to tell my boyfriend that i couldnt go to his church (again for like the umpteenth time) even though we had planned it ahead of time. When explaining it to him though i felt like i let him down .... again. Don't get me wrong..... he's very understanding and thats what i love about him...... but i always feel bad for doing stuff like that to him when he so doesn't deserve that. I know I made the right choice though. And he even convinced me over and over that he was not mad..... especially since he doesnt get mad easily. So then why do i still feel like a heel for doing this? Aarrgggg! I hate that about myself..... that i can constantly beat myself over and over about the stupidest things! AND.... do it on a regular basis! Maybe i do it because i am such a people pleaser and I hate disappointing others. I like serving and giving of myself and I hate coming up with lame excuses when I dont want to do stuff. Regardless, though, I need to STOP THIS!!!! Stop it and just pray that God will give me peace. Especially since i am such a worrier! And i want to leave the worrying to God since only He knows what the out come is anyways!
Enough said though....... that was my thoughts for today..... tomorrow is a new day.....

..... Maybe i will finish my song tomorrow too..... so much to do and so little time :)
Peace out!

The muses from my soul

I hope this goes well....mainly I am not one to write blogs let alone journals. Well see.... I do but not faithfully....which is something I wish I did more of. I don't know how many people will read this and I don't really care because for now this is mainly for me to get my feelings out and share bits of my life. This kind of thing helps....anyways.... in regards to working through problems that I feel. So....enough said I will write what is on my mind right now. Today was an interesting sort of day..... it started well enough but then I found out some news that just made me get so emotional. A lady from church who my family was close to passed away after battling cancer. She was such a sweet lady....always ready to give hugs and coming up with witty remarks. I know she's in a much better place....but it still saddens me that I will never get to see her again on earth. As well....I guess it got me so emotional because I began to think of my grandparents who are getting up there in age like she was. I have never lost anyone so close to me in my lifetime (regardless of great-grandparents when i was really little) so thinking of something happening to my grandparents just cut so deep. A couple years ago ... we almost lost poppa when he had surgery..... and that shook me up alot.....and I guess I was just remembering that now. Also, because of how short life is.....or what we do with the time we are given with certain people. I have been richly blessed by God to have been in a family where I have not lost anyone..... but with that I also felt somewhat ashamed. Ashamed....that here I was crying over a special lady who really wasnt a close relative.....while so many people around me have lost loved ones who are close relatives. Fathers, Mothers, cousins, aunts and uncles...... and here I felt so dumb crying over this especially when I see how strong those people are despite that. But then I had a really good talk with a friend of mine who has lost his father and he said something that totally made sense. The fact that I should not feel ashamed for being a lot emotional....because even though i have never lost anyone so close like someone as him...... it doesn't mean I'm not aloud to feel this way. No.....instead it goes to show how I have a heart ....and that I care about people. And even though i see those people being strong and not crying.....that doesn't mean I don't have to be the same way. I have never experienced what they have......but in going through these things......i am learning how to be strong bit by bit so that when a bigger trial comes my way.....I will be able to face it with lots of courage. I felt so much better after that talk..... and I was so glad he was there to somewhat bring perspective on these feelings. Well I think I will end this for now.....because i really do feel somewhat drained from all this, but before I go I just want to post lyrics to a song that is really great by Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton:

When I Get Where I'm Going

When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly

I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

[Chorus]Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here

I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he'll match me step for step
And I'll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I'll hug his neck [Repeat chorus]

So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do

But when I get where I'm going
And I see my maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
Hallelujah I will love and have no fear
When I get where I'm going
Yeah when I get where I'm going